It's a good thing.
It's definitely a good thing.
Why don't good things don't always feel good?
I've been quite non-stop for a while, craving a rest and to have nothing hanging over me then here it is and I'm suddenly all, “What is the point in my life?????!!”
Drama queen??? Moi???
But really. Maybe sometimes it is actually worth asking the question, What is the point? Or at least, Who am I? And what do I love?
But not necessarily when stressed. So I went for a walk.
Does anything beat a walk? I love walks. They calm me down and focus me. For others it's watching a film, or going shopping.
I walked up and down the same hill. And I let myself feel that space that I have created by quitting my job.
It felt big and scary. Tight in my chest.
But what if that is ok?
That is something I am working on these days – just letting myself feel stuff, instead of avoiding and avoiding it.
So I felt the discomfort for a while. And as I walked through the woods I asked myself, Who am I? What do I love?
I love trees. I love swimming. I love doing a good job. I love people and words and exercise and touch and connection and actually, quite a few things.
I felt a glimmer of hope.
I don't think I would have come to that place if I had stayed wallowing around at home.
When I feel stuck and confused it feels really hard to know what to do. But just turning the phone off and moving the body, doing SOMETHING is better than not. Then it leads to something else.
We have so many answers and so much wisdom inside ourselves. But we need to stop and give ourselves the chance to hear it.
When was the last time you let yourself sink into a bit of space to ask yourself, Who am I? The answers might be pleasantly surprising.
Ruth Nadia x