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mothers' day

3/27/2022

Mother's Day can be tricky.
So many of us women have wanted to become a mother, we've tried and tried and it hasn't happened.
We've lost babies we've wanted so badly.
And had abortions that were the right choice at the time.
Some of us have dealt with the loss of a child after they've lived.
Or become separated from our child.
We don't 'get over' these things, we just learn to live with them. And we get on with it.
Because humans beings are awesome. We're survivors by nature. And we get on with it.
Just like the mothers who are currently mothering.
The single mothers holding it all together.
The co-parenting mothers.
The foster mothers and adoptive mothers.
The mothers in partnerships, both supportive and less so.
Bringing up a child is no piece of cake.
Understatement of the year.
We just survive. And get on with it.
Because we're AWESOME.
This photo is my best friend and me 17 years ago, moments after she birthed her first child. I LOVE this photo for summing up what a big deal it is to suddenly be responsible for another human.
We all need help along the way. No matter how awesome we are.
I will help where I can.
And send huge love to you.
And huge love to everyone else helping along the way.
We're in this together, this life.
Happy Mother's Day!
Ruth Nadia x

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Spring equinox

3/20/2022

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I woke at 5.45 this morning.
It wasn't exactly planned, but I'd been open to the possibility of seeing the sunrise today.
It's the spring equinox. Half day half night. A turning point in the year.
The start of spring.
The sun hadn't risen when I woke but the sky was light.
The moon was big and bright and on its way to set in the west.
I got up and dressed and went for a sunrise swim.
Equinoxes only come twice a year. They're special.
I hadn't expected this morning to be as beautiful and clear as it was.
There was frost on a bench and I could see my breath in the air.
A swan hissed and circled me as I got in, then lost interest.
As I swam through the cold water, I thought, What if this is the start of a new year, instead of January 1st?
And what does a new year mean?
Fresh start.
New leaf. Clean slate. Another chance.
Another chance.
Couldn't we all do with another chance?
I make mistakes every day.
I try SO hard to be perfect. But every day I make mistakes.
This morning I forgave myself for my mistakes. And I let myself start again. Fresh.
These moments in the year are such good opportunities.
I wonder what would happen if I let myself start fresh every single day. Even if it wasn't an equinox.
What if I forgave myself anyway?
When I closed my eyes and imagined it, I felt warm and smiled.
So maybe there's something in it...
Happy equinox to you all.
Wishing you spring time fresh start love, no matter how many mistakes you've made,
Ruth Nadia x

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Cold water and stress and getting WASTED.

3/1/2022

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I don't know about you, but sometimes it's pretty unpleasant in my head.

Like, I can get myself seriously stressed and be really unkind to myself - telling myself I'll never amount to anything and I'm a bad person and all sorts of NONSENSE. Honestly, if anyone else spoke to me the way I sometimes speak to myself, I'd kick them to the kerb.

One time last December I got myself in a right pickle. I can't remember why, but it all seemed very important. I remember thinking, "I am suffering SO much!"

I arrived at the lake. I got changed and I got in.

It was COLD.

As I waded in, there was no space in my head to stress any more. All I could focus on was breathing and moving and feeling this cold enveloping my body.

I remember thinking "Nah, Ruth, THIS is suffering! All that stuff before was just thoughts."

lol. If only it was always that simple.

But what if it is?

What if there is always magic waiting when we drop into the body?

This is why I used to drink and take recreational drugs. It gave me a BREAK from my thoughts. It got me out of my head. Off my head.

This is why I run, why I dance, why we scroll mindlessly on social media. Sometimes we just want a little break. From our thoughts.

Back in the old old days we were physical. Nowadays, we sit. It all happens in the head. Which is why I love cold water swimming. It's a reset. Swoosh. Straight out of the head. Straight in to the body. OW! Yes. Here I am.

Plus no hangover.

Often I'll go for a walk if I have a decision to make or if I want some feelings to move. Moving the body helps us move on. Move through.

I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS: We have awesome tools right up our sleeves. Bodies. Moving them can help.

Oh. And breath. Always breath.

Sending love to you all,
Ruth x

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mothers' day

Spring equinox

Cold water and stress and getting WASTED.

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