I left my wifi on overnight, so when I went to my phone in the morning, to start playing the little mix that I’ve put together to do my 5 minute high intensity interval training workout (it includes power ballads, in case you’re wondering…), I saw that I had an email.
I clicked on the email and bam - I was sucked into my to do list. I thought, I might as well check facebook while I’m here, and then there I was, in the world of clicking and scrolling - the world of amazing information and resources, mixed in with nonsense and before I knew it, it was time to leave the house.
I hadn’t been outside and stood with a tree, I hadn’t done my exercises, I hadn’t sat and written.
The day was carrying me along and I had to go.
My name is Ruth Nadia, and I am addicted to the internet.
I’d rather I wasn’t. But there you are. I’m so wholesome in many ways, but not in this way.
It’s a craving for love, I think, mixed in with avoidance of what is really happening in my head, and procrastination, and a craving for always something new and better. It’s a love of knowledge and connection, mixed in with job searching and self-development and fun and it is a lot of things.
But what it isn’t is exercise or fresh air or playing with my nephews, or tidying my flat or writing that book or learning lines for that play or breathing in the moment. There are a LOT of things that the internet isn’t.
The other day (OK, maybe it was a year or more ago, you know what time is like) a friend of mine was saying how she wished she was stronger, like her flatmate, so that she could resist the chocolate biscuits in the house. And I was like, but your flatmate is unusual. Don’t compare yourself to your superhuman flatmate.
MAYBE, chocolate biscuits aren’t as tempting to her as they are to you. In fact, I’m pretty sure they aren’t.
As Oscar Wilde said, ‘I can resist anything but temptation.’
So chocolate biscuits are temptation. If they’re in your flat, you’re in resistance mode, every time you go past them, or think about them, and you have to be super super strong. But if you don’t buy them in the first place then you have to be strong once, in the shops, then once you’re home, you can relax.
Be strong once.
And the internet is like that for me. Of course, I’d love to be like those people who can take it or leave it and only use it when it’s essential, but for now I’m not.
So the trick for me, is to turn the router off at night. I turn it off at the wall and then that decision is made. In the morning, when I turn on my phone to play ‘The Final Countdown’, there are no notifications there, it’s just a music player.
Tricks. I play tricks on myself. It works though.
And yes, I realise the irony of this popping in your feed while you are on the internet, but hey, that is the thing - there are so many amazing gems mixed in with all the nonsense.
What tricks do you have to keep yourself off the internet too long, or to stop you from picking up that vape? I’d love to hear from you.
If you’d like a massage with me, I have availability tomorrow (Monday 24th Feb), or Monday 23rd March.
Wishing you all the best everyone - who said that life was easy???