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November 22nd, 2021

7/29/2021

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I don't have any children of my own, but I have nephews and I love them more than the world. I also have this unrealistic desire to protect them from any suffering. Ever. I know that isn't possible. But... Still.

Imagine a world where we valued kindness and love more than winning. For me daring to be kind is sometimes the real bravery.
So I'm reading a book called The Strong Sensitive Boy, by Ted Zeff and it had a story that touched me so deeply that I had to ring my friend straight away at 11pm and read it to him over the phone, because... just because in a world where winning is seen as everything, this story shows how beautiful and brave it is when love wins.

The story is about a boy called Shaya who was at a school called Shush in Brooklyn New York that catered for learning disabled children. The story was shared by his father at a fundraising dinner and then put in a book called Echoes of the Maggid by Rabbi Paysach Krohn, then it was made famous by a man called Wayne Dyer who is referenced in the book that I read.

"One afternoon Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked his father, "Do you think they will let me play?" Shaya's father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys wouldn't even want him on their team. But Shaya's father understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a sense of belonging. Shaya's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "Well, we're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."

Shaya's father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play in center field. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shaya's team scored a few runs but were still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shaya's team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded, with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn't even know how to hold a bat, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps so he could lob the ball in softly so that Shaya might at least be able to make some contact with the ball. The first pitch came in. Shaya swung clumsily and missed. Then out of the dugout, one of Shaya's teammates came up and together they held the bat and faced the opposing pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher then took a few more steps closer to Shaya and they swung at the ball as they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. But instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shaya, Shaya, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running.

But the right-fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, Shaya! Run to second!" Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base, the opposing shortstop now ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, "Run to third Shaya, run to third!" As Shaya rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, "Shaya, Shaya, run home, run home!" Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero, as he had just hit a grand slam and won the game for his team."
​
"That day," said the father who now had tears rolling down his face, "those 18 boys reached their level of perfection. They showed that it is not only those who are talented that should be recognized, but also those who have less talent. They too are human beings, they too have feelings and emotions, they too are people, they too want to feel important."

I would love to hear what you thought of the story.

Sending love as always,

Ruth Nadia x

The photo is of my awesome brother who really does value kindness and love in a way that nurtures my two nephews so much. Big up the bravery of those who dare to be kind
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YeT still we rise

7/5/2021

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Hello, I'm back massaging (a terrible unintentional pun) after a month of turning 40. And looking forward to working with my excellent clients again.

I don't know about you, but sometimes (pretty much always) the hardest thing about my life is not the stuff itself, it's what my thoughts are about the stuff. So I've been working on changing that. This is a life's work.

My 40th birthday wasn't the birthday I'd planned - I was meant to be in the lakes for the day itself, but a performance course I signed up to last year changed its dates so I found myself in Manchester.

This last year hasn't been one I would plan either - my acting career has turned into more of a 'hobby' and for a long time I wasn't massaging people so my sense of identity and meaningfulness was hanging by a thread and although I've remained fairly positive about it, lately it has started to drag a bit and I've found myself feeling sorry for myself which is just not an appealing way to be at aaall. But it also HAS just been rubbish and challenging and I have applied for at LEAST fifty jobs in the last few months and done auditions for dozens but I have got none of them and that was the nature of the performance industry anyway but it's got even more extreme as there are less jobs and more people applying so it honestly has been a challenge.

Anyway, I found a new thought about my birthday and life that I reeeaally liked. Instead of 'I am so hard done by.' I've been working on, 'It is possible that I am winning at life.' As soon as I looked at things like that I was like, YES! I am! Like, for my birthday I got to be with my oldest friend and his family and to be performed for by my friend's daughter and get non-stop cuddles from his son and spend time with people I love and eat excellent salad and in the day I found a new swim spot and practised my acting craft and the following day I went to the lakes and swam every day and Yes it IS possible that I am winning at life. Because you often find what you're looking for, so if it's all the ways you are unlucky, you'll find them. But if it's all the ways you are winning, you'll find them too.

So that was working well.

And then I was in the lakes and having a day to myself and I cycled past the shop and got a spot of wifi so I had a little look at my emails and there was another thank you but no thank you email about a job I had recorded an audition for.

As I cycled back up the hill after my lovely day by the water, the thought, 'It is possible I am winning at life' wasn't quite hitting the spot. I was disappointed and felt pretty ground down and hopeless about my career. It's normal, these rejection emails. I get them all the time, but I was thinking, 'It's been a year without a yes. Can I go on???' And all the time, I was cycling with only 8 gears up a massive hill back to Grizedale forest. Talking to myself. Am I winning at life??? It doesn't feel like it. But I guess I can cycle up big hills which is pretty cool. So am I? But I want to do the thing I have trained for!

Then I thought back to my birthday. On the morning of my birthday on the course, we were invited to spend some time in grief. Earlier in the week we had done joy and lust and desire and rage and probably other emotions that I can't remember. Fear a little. But my birthday treat was grief. And we really went there – people in the room were howling and there were tears and it went on and on and I found it then I lost it then I found it again and towards the end I looked around the room at these beautiful people who all had access to grief because they had all had losses in their life, no matter what they were. And yet after the exercise we wiped ourselves down and walked out into the world and it really touched me – how somewhere, inside every person there is a well of grief. And yet we walk about our lives doing our everyday things and I came up with another thought: "Yet still we rise."

So as I was cycling up the hill, having to stand up because my gears don't go very low, sweating and frustrated with my career, I had a go at 'Yet still we rise.' And it helped. We are awesome humans BECAUSE we keep going when things are tough. And in that way, it was still possible I was winning at life.

It's been an interesting year, working on my thoughts and of course I still have a looooong way to go but this is where I am at the moment. It still feels hard and disappointing yet still we rise. Resilience is a beautiful quality.

As I said, working on changing thoughts is a life's work but some days it seems to really help.

The weather is looking rainy for tomorrow (Tuesday 6th July) so if you would like a massage, I have some daytime availability.
Or Thursday 29th July. I'd love to see you, however you are. All welcome.

The photos are of me with cream on my face on my birthday and of me with my friend Cam as we walked back down off a hill with massive bags in the pouring rain, scared and not enjoying it at all so I suggested that we capture the moment, because 'Yet still we rise.'

It would be lovely to see you soon, let me know if you would like to book in,
​
Ruth Nadia x
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