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The strength in asking

8/12/2021

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Another gorgeous day of massaging. Thank you to my clients and to everyone who has been in touch to book massages, I look forward to seeing you all soon.

Today (and this week) I've been thinking about how hard it can feel to ask for what we want. It seems simple, and 'should' be easy, but it can feel soooo hard.

One of my clients today said, after his massage “That was about right. It's usually too hard or not hard enough.” and just those words gave me a massive grin. He'd got what he came for. And do you know why it was 'about right'? Because I asked him beforehand. I asked him how deep he wanted the touch, and he told me, and then I gave him what he asked for. And if he'd realised, during the massage, that it wasn't quite right and had asked me to go softer or deeper, I would have done that too. Because it was his massage, not mine.

There is no big secret about getting what you want – a lot of it comes down to simply asking.

But so often we don't. I definitely have struggled with asking for years and years and let's be honest, most of my life probably. Asking for what you want isn't seen as very English and it's even less encouraged in those of us socialised as women. Better just to 'be polite', to wait and see if it is offered. Or to hint around it.

I've had a few times lately where I've found myself getting resentful with friends because I've done something and they haven't done exactly what I wanted in return. But how are they supposed to know what's in my head? And why didn't I ask in the first place? Because in my head, if I asked, it meant that I was a horrible demanding person, who is never satisfied and is selfish; a bad person.
As you can imagine, it's often a barrel of laughs in my head...

Haha oh how we laugh, me and... myself...

Anyway, I am at last started to see that if I don't ask, how will the other person know? And if they say no, that's ok; we all know where we are then. Otherwise there's all this stuff going on underneath, that isn't being talked about. Again, this is all very English.

So that is why I ask before I give a massage: Which areas of your body want touch? How deep? How fast? How do you want to feel afterwards?

Once that has been answered, at least we know where we are.

And it doesn't always work perfectly, because I am not alone at finding it VERY BLOODY HARD to ask for what I want, or to say, “No, not exactly like that.” But you know what? We can do hard things. We totally can. We can practise saying I want exactly this please. We can practise saying 'no and, not exactly like that' and practising with me is an excellent place to start because I am absolutely on your side here, I know it can be hard and I want us all to be better at asking.

Whenever someone is clear about what they want, or whenever someone lets me know during a massage that something isn't quite working for them, I silently cheer, because I know that asking isn't easy, and that it takes practice, and I'm just happy that they feel comfortable enough to do it with me. It inspires me to practise asking too. Because only then have we got a hope of getting what we want. Unless the people you are around are magic. And yes, it is true, those people do exist. Some people can magically give you whatever it is you want. I know a few of them and I wonder at their amazingness. But for the most part, people are busy in their own heads so it helps if you know how to ask.

Thank you again to my clients today and to my friends and my family and all the people around me that I am practising asking with. Getting more skilled at something can be messy in the process, but practice is the only way we will get better.

I'd love a chance to work with you if you'd like to practise asking for what you want. And to those friends I have been messy with on my journey of practising asking – thank you for being there with me. I love you. And I love my clients too. It's a journey, eh, this life thing, not a destination.

Sending love,

Ruth Nadia x
The photo is from an old photo shoot with Pete Huntley. I thought my contemplative mood fitted this post. Big love to you all and thank you for reading.

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How change happens

8/10/2021

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I love seeing transformations happen in front of my very eyes. It happens with every client who comes to me for touch - they come in to the room and tell me what they want and somehow, in that little room (it's not actually that little, but it sounds better), somehow they find a version of what they were looking for. And it was in them all along. It is ridiculously beautiful and so bloody simple:

You are the person you have been waiting for.

It's you. It was always you.

But you know that really, don't you?

Here is part of a message a client sent me this evening:

“When I got home I looked in the mirror and I looked so vibrant, with a sparkle in my eyes.”

I read that message and I felt this pang of love. And a tear, because I often have tears. I was so happy that they saw what was in them all along. You are all vibrant and full of sparkles, all of you. Just sometimes you need to take an hour out to pause so you can find it again.

But it's in there. For sure.

As another client said today after their massage : “I am born anew.” Which I thought was particularly poetic and again gave me a huge smile.

Change is possible.

With love to all of you and hoping you find some of what you're looking for.(Spoiler alert - it's in you. Even without a massage, if you just book out an hour to lie down undisturbed, SOMETHING will change.)

Ruth Nadia x
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November 22nd, 2021

7/29/2021

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I don't have any children of my own, but I have nephews and I love them more than the world. I also have this unrealistic desire to protect them from any suffering. Ever. I know that isn't possible. But... Still.

Imagine a world where we valued kindness and love more than winning. For me daring to be kind is sometimes the real bravery.
So I'm reading a book called The Strong Sensitive Boy, by Ted Zeff and it had a story that touched me so deeply that I had to ring my friend straight away at 11pm and read it to him over the phone, because... just because in a world where winning is seen as everything, this story shows how beautiful and brave it is when love wins.

The story is about a boy called Shaya who was at a school called Shush in Brooklyn New York that catered for learning disabled children. The story was shared by his father at a fundraising dinner and then put in a book called Echoes of the Maggid by Rabbi Paysach Krohn, then it was made famous by a man called Wayne Dyer who is referenced in the book that I read.

"One afternoon Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked his father, "Do you think they will let me play?" Shaya's father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys wouldn't even want him on their team. But Shaya's father understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a sense of belonging. Shaya's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "Well, we're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."

Shaya's father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play in center field. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shaya's team scored a few runs but were still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shaya's team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded, with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn't even know how to hold a bat, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps so he could lob the ball in softly so that Shaya might at least be able to make some contact with the ball. The first pitch came in. Shaya swung clumsily and missed. Then out of the dugout, one of Shaya's teammates came up and together they held the bat and faced the opposing pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher then took a few more steps closer to Shaya and they swung at the ball as they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. But instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shaya, Shaya, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running.

But the right-fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, Shaya! Run to second!" Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base, the opposing shortstop now ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, "Run to third Shaya, run to third!" As Shaya rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, "Shaya, Shaya, run home, run home!" Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero, as he had just hit a grand slam and won the game for his team."
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"That day," said the father who now had tears rolling down his face, "those 18 boys reached their level of perfection. They showed that it is not only those who are talented that should be recognized, but also those who have less talent. They too are human beings, they too have feelings and emotions, they too are people, they too want to feel important."

I would love to hear what you thought of the story.

Sending love as always,

Ruth Nadia x

The photo is of my awesome brother who really does value kindness and love in a way that nurtures my two nephews so much. Big up the bravery of those who dare to be kind
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YeT still we rise

7/5/2021

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Hello, I'm back massaging (a terrible unintentional pun) after a month of turning 40. And looking forward to working with my excellent clients again.

I don't know about you, but sometimes (pretty much always) the hardest thing about my life is not the stuff itself, it's what my thoughts are about the stuff. So I've been working on changing that. This is a life's work.

My 40th birthday wasn't the birthday I'd planned - I was meant to be in the lakes for the day itself, but a performance course I signed up to last year changed its dates so I found myself in Manchester.

This last year hasn't been one I would plan either - my acting career has turned into more of a 'hobby' and for a long time I wasn't massaging people so my sense of identity and meaningfulness was hanging by a thread and although I've remained fairly positive about it, lately it has started to drag a bit and I've found myself feeling sorry for myself which is just not an appealing way to be at aaall. But it also HAS just been rubbish and challenging and I have applied for at LEAST fifty jobs in the last few months and done auditions for dozens but I have got none of them and that was the nature of the performance industry anyway but it's got even more extreme as there are less jobs and more people applying so it honestly has been a challenge.

Anyway, I found a new thought about my birthday and life that I reeeaally liked. Instead of 'I am so hard done by.' I've been working on, 'It is possible that I am winning at life.' As soon as I looked at things like that I was like, YES! I am! Like, for my birthday I got to be with my oldest friend and his family and to be performed for by my friend's daughter and get non-stop cuddles from his son and spend time with people I love and eat excellent salad and in the day I found a new swim spot and practised my acting craft and the following day I went to the lakes and swam every day and Yes it IS possible that I am winning at life. Because you often find what you're looking for, so if it's all the ways you are unlucky, you'll find them. But if it's all the ways you are winning, you'll find them too.

So that was working well.

And then I was in the lakes and having a day to myself and I cycled past the shop and got a spot of wifi so I had a little look at my emails and there was another thank you but no thank you email about a job I had recorded an audition for.

As I cycled back up the hill after my lovely day by the water, the thought, 'It is possible I am winning at life' wasn't quite hitting the spot. I was disappointed and felt pretty ground down and hopeless about my career. It's normal, these rejection emails. I get them all the time, but I was thinking, 'It's been a year without a yes. Can I go on???' And all the time, I was cycling with only 8 gears up a massive hill back to Grizedale forest. Talking to myself. Am I winning at life??? It doesn't feel like it. But I guess I can cycle up big hills which is pretty cool. So am I? But I want to do the thing I have trained for!

Then I thought back to my birthday. On the morning of my birthday on the course, we were invited to spend some time in grief. Earlier in the week we had done joy and lust and desire and rage and probably other emotions that I can't remember. Fear a little. But my birthday treat was grief. And we really went there – people in the room were howling and there were tears and it went on and on and I found it then I lost it then I found it again and towards the end I looked around the room at these beautiful people who all had access to grief because they had all had losses in their life, no matter what they were. And yet after the exercise we wiped ourselves down and walked out into the world and it really touched me – how somewhere, inside every person there is a well of grief. And yet we walk about our lives doing our everyday things and I came up with another thought: "Yet still we rise."

So as I was cycling up the hill, having to stand up because my gears don't go very low, sweating and frustrated with my career, I had a go at 'Yet still we rise.' And it helped. We are awesome humans BECAUSE we keep going when things are tough. And in that way, it was still possible I was winning at life.

It's been an interesting year, working on my thoughts and of course I still have a looooong way to go but this is where I am at the moment. It still feels hard and disappointing yet still we rise. Resilience is a beautiful quality.

As I said, working on changing thoughts is a life's work but some days it seems to really help.

The weather is looking rainy for tomorrow (Tuesday 6th July) so if you would like a massage, I have some daytime availability.
Or Thursday 29th July. I'd love to see you, however you are. All welcome.

The photos are of me with cream on my face on my birthday and of me with my friend Cam as we walked back down off a hill with massive bags in the pouring rain, scared and not enjoying it at all so I suggested that we capture the moment, because 'Yet still we rise.'

It would be lovely to see you soon, let me know if you would like to book in,
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Ruth Nadia x
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I Wish You (by Meredith Heller)

4/13/2020

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I read these words this morning and they brought a smile to my face and comfort to my heart, so I thought I would share them with you.

I WISH YOU (BY MEREDITH HELLER)
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"I wish you mouthfuls of laughter and warm cozy hands and bowls of nourishing soup and starry-starry light glittering at the periphery of your eyes as if someone or something is tapping you gently on the shoulder, whispering a song from your childhood that makes you smile and weep at the same time, in a good way, like when you know who you are.

I wish you the scent of lime blossoms and the taste of salt on your lips and a silver feather tattooed across your belly, gentle and elusive as a water mark, and the inviting rhythm of rain on your roof that wakes you up at night and draws you from your bed to dance a little in the darkness with a prayer in your body.

I wish you a loving letter from an old friend when you least expect it, with words that warm you like small sticks of kindling that catch and smoke and smell of ancient sandalwood forests and the tiny blue birds that sing at night, unaware of the hour of their rapture, and a low-slung moon, lying on her back, points up, like a bowl of light.

I wish you pan-fried plantains drizzled with honey and the lonely sound of a fog horn at dusk after it’s rained all day, and the sweet, rich, gentleness you feel in every cell of your body when you’re kind to another human being.

I wish you the stillness of the great blue heron and the way my heart grows wings when I see the sunlight spangle the water, and the feel of your back, leaning against these rocks here, that have soaked up the sun all day, filling their veins with light and humming their minerals into your bones, and this wide blue sky that touches the curves of the mountain tenderly with his hand and the way she arches up to meet him.

I wish you the cool clean whiteness of shells, the sacredness of bones, the memory of flight that leaves its signature in the feather. I wish you the wide wingspan of a low swooping owl as it turns 90 degrees on its side, to fly between trees in the forest, as you walk home alone one night, listening for your song."
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How are you?

3/24/2020

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.In January, I wrote about my morning routine. It went out of the window last week, but I reinstated it a few days ago and oh my gosh do I need this routine now!!!!?? (‘Yes’ is the answer, by the way. Definitely yes)

Last week, all of a sudden, I wasn’t a massage therapist or an actor or a cycle instructor any more. I was jobless and mega stressed and I turned job searching into my new 24 hour job. I panicked and stayed up late and rushed around the city forcing my CV onto unsuspecting people in jobs, then went home and re-worked it and re-worked it and applied for every job going online and I couldn’t even really talk or listen to the people I loved because I had a serious one track job mind. And I definitely couldn’t listen to myself. NO TIME.

In a place of panic, and lack of sleep, I thought that I could afford to let the morning routine go. But I was wrong. The morning routine was the one thing I needed more than anything.

I’ve calmed down lots now, and have some exciting possibilities for the future in terms of work, but I wanted to tell you about the most surprising and useful part of my morning routine that has really been coming into its own lately.

Ah now hang on, that isn’t fair - that’s favouritism. Listen, I love ALL of the different parts of my morning routine - they’re all valuable in their own way. It’s not fair to single out one part as the best, but when I wrote about my morning routine in January, I hadn’t worked out what to do in the writing part of it. And that’s why it feels extra special now. (But also, it IS great. (But also so are all the other parts). (But...)) - Enough bickering.

GET ON WITH IT! (As they say in Monty Python)

Here it is:

I write, for one page of A4 (or more, if I feel like it, which usually I don’t) and the prompt is:

"Speak your truth".

That is it.

And then:

"Hear that truth."

Simple.

In that week when I wasn’t doing my morning routine, things were changing so fast that all I could do was fight fires. It was crisis management. Underneath the busyness, how was I? Not great. ‘But there’s not time to go there right now.’ was what I thought. No time.

It is always worth taking time to check in with yourself.

When one of my best friends died years ago, I remember that suddenly I found the question, “How are you?” really intrusive. It was like, ‘Get out of me head! I haven’t invited you in here!’

Being asked to speak your truth can be quite a big deal. Like, this morning, at first I thought I was fine. And then by the end of the page I was crying my eyes out thinking up a way that I might possibly be able to hold somebody else’s hand, involving lots of hand sanitizer and facing away from each other and not breathing and being outside.

And then other times, I realise that speaking my truth isn’t so deep at all. It's simply that I am tired. Or perhaps I am hungry. (Usually I am hungry.).

After my writing this morning, I realised that words weren’t enough, and I danced for an hour to a 5 rhythms playlist created by the awesome Silvija Tomcik (Link at the end of this post)

So now I’m back. Sort of. Well, at least I’m finding enough words to write again.

And if writing isn’t for you, just try SOME way of expressing yourself and your truth - music, dance, art, sport. Whatever it is for you. Because only when you know where you are, can you move forward.

Ach come on - that was good and deep, that one!! I surprise myself sometimes.

“You can only move forward when you know where you are right now.” said Ruth Nadia. (And probably someone else before me.)

So how are you? Have you allowed yourself a little space to feel it? I’d love to hear from you.

And if you’d like a dedicated space to talk through how you are, I am offering 45 minute phonecalls for £10 (or more if you can afford more) The phonecalls are quite similar to the chat we have before you have a massage with me - it’s a space for you to speak your truth, and to be heard.

I had my first phonecall with a client today, and I loved being able to offer that precious space, so let me know if you’d like to book in.

Wishing you all of the love in the world,
Ruth Nadia x

A link to the original post about my morning routine: http://www.ruthnadiamassage.com/musings/morning-routines

Here is the link to Silvija Tomcik's gorgeous playlist for dancing to. Whether you know about 5 rhythms or not, turn it on and dance: 
https://www.mixcloud.com/SilvijaTomcik/power-of-loving-5rhythms-wave/?fbclid=IwAR3lAy6JtvEt1betKAium9EM5NMoTYb7g47ZmGfu98F8VwO3OwTrl_kSUw4 

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My kitchen, where I danced my little heart out.
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An excerpt from my morning writing, which I don't usually share, but hey as they keep saying, 'these are extraordinary times.
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Internet Addiction

2/23/2020

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I was getting smug recently, about my wholesome morning routine and how ‘on it’ I was. Then the other day it all went wrong.
 
I left my wifi on overnight, so when I went to my phone in the morning, to start playing the little mix that I’ve put together to do my 5 minute high intensity interval training workout (it includes power ballads, in case you’re wondering…), I saw that I had an email.
 
I clicked on the email and bam - I was sucked into my to do list. I thought, I might as well check facebook while I’m here, and then there I was, in the world of clicking and scrolling - the world of amazing information and resources, mixed in with nonsense and before I knew it, it was time to leave the house.
 
I hadn’t been outside and stood with a tree, I hadn’t done my exercises, I hadn’t sat and written.
 
The day was carrying me along and I had to go.
 
My name is Ruth Nadia, and I am addicted to the internet.
 
I’d rather I wasn’t. But there you are. I’m so wholesome in many ways, but not in this way.
 
It’s a craving for love, I think, mixed in with avoidance of what is really happening in my head, and procrastination, and a craving for always something new and better. It’s a love of knowledge and connection, mixed in with job searching and self-development and fun and it is a lot of things.
 
But what it isn’t is exercise or fresh air or playing with my nephews, or tidying my flat or writing that book or learning lines for that play or breathing in the moment. There are a LOT of things that the internet isn’t.
 
The other day (OK, maybe it was a year or more ago, you know what time is like) a friend of mine was saying how she wished she was stronger, like her flatmate, so that she could resist the chocolate biscuits in the house. And I was like, but your flatmate is unusual. Don’t compare yourself to your superhuman flatmate.
 
MAYBE, chocolate biscuits aren’t as tempting to her as they are to you. In fact, I’m pretty sure they aren’t.
 
As Oscar Wilde said, ‘I can resist anything but temptation.’
 
So chocolate biscuits are temptation. If they’re in your flat, you’re in resistance mode, every time you go past them, or think about them, and you have to be super super strong. But if you don’t buy them in the first place then you have to be strong once, in the shops, then once you’re home, you can relax.
 
Be strong once.
 
And the internet is like that for me. Of course, I’d love to be like those people who can take it or leave it and only use it when it’s essential, but for now I’m not.
 
So the trick for me, is to turn the router off at night. I turn it off at the wall and then that decision is made. In the morning, when I turn on my phone to play ‘The Final Countdown’, there are no notifications there, it’s just a music player.
 
Tricks. I play tricks on myself. It works though.
 
And yes, I realise the irony of this popping in your feed while you are on the internet, but hey, that is the thing - there are so many amazing gems mixed in with all the nonsense.
 
What tricks do you have to keep yourself off the internet too long, or to stop you from picking up that vape? I’d love to hear from you.
 
If you’d like a massage with me, I have availability tomorrow (Monday 24th Feb), or Monday 23rd March.
 
Wishing you all the best everyone - who said that life was easy???
 
Ruth Nadia

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Morning Routines

1/26/2020

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I’ve heard people bang on about morning routines for YEARS but every day is different for me so I didn't think they were for me. Then recently, I realised that the randomness of my day to day life is the EXACT reason that I need a morning routine.

I’m not talking about an Oprah Winfrey’s sort of morning routine (meditation, an hour of exercise, an inspirational email of Sufi teachings, doggy love and 5 cards pulled from a $100 card set) although the more I’ve read about it, the more appealing it sounds… No, I’m just talking about a simple 2 – 15 minutes at the start of every day.

Working away from home and doing a variety of work has meant that I sometimes lose my connection with myself. I forget who I am and what I believe in and I get carried away with whatever's going on around me.

This means that I can feel like a hypocrite masquerading as a massage therapist. Therapist??? Ruth Nadia you're a joke - you don’t even know who you are – how on earth can you help other people to feel grounded and connected to themselves???

But somehow I do. Perhaps it’s because I can listen.

There are so many things wanting a piece of us in life. I imagine it as little cords reaching out of our bodies – work, children, partner, friends, our phones, the internet, adverts, the state of the kitchen. Just notice how a little part of you comes back to yourself when you turn off your phone. It feels sweeeeeet.

In a massage, you turn off your phone and you come back to yourself, to your body. It is precious. I love that I can give people that space.

But when else can you get it? We can’t all have massages every couple of days. Although wow. That would be a goooood life!

So I’ve been looking at where else I can get this connection with myself and that’s where I’ve started my morning routine. ‘My regime,’ as I call it. It’s still a work in progress, but this is how it goes at the moment:

- Once I’ve woken up, I do a physio exercise in bed.
- Once I’ve brushed my teeth and got dressed I put the kettle on and bounce on my big gym ball while it boils (sorry downstairs neighbours…). If I’m away from home I’ll do a glute stretch instead.
- Once I’ve poured the tea, I go down 3 flights of stairs, into the garden, and I hug a tree for 5 minutes.

*STOP PRESS - I love hugging trees. I am still embarrassed to admit it but I'm giving honesty a go...
Look, I know hugging trees isn’t for everyone. But it is for me. And it’s also great for my motivation to get outside early and get a feeling of being in a new day, full of possibility.

- Back inside I do 5 minutes of physio exercises to address some ongoing pain I’ve been having.
- I sit/kneel and drink my tea while I write a page or so. I haven’t worked out yet exactly what to focus on but it’s all about connecting with me - where I am now and where I'd like to be, and how to get there.
- Breakfast, then get on with the day.

The whole thing takes around 75 minutes and I’m ready to leave the house. I’m loving sort of tricking myself into getting up and on it.

My morning routine is still new (day 13 today) but I’m already feeling loads better, despite having PMT right now which would often mean I would be quite a mess. Plus I managed to keep it going when I was away visiting friends, when it rained, and when I had a couple of very early starts. The physio exercises and bouncing on the gym ball are things I've been meaning to do for months and months, I just never made the time. So that's also making me feel pretty good / smug.

I live by myself so it would be a different routine for people who share their home with a partner, children, pets, friends or housemates. But where can you reclaim 2 minutes, or even 5, for yourself?

We are WAY more habitual than we’d like to admit. Studies have shown that approximately 45% (and likely more) of our decisions are habit-based. So if want to change your life, introduce a new habit. Just look at what 2 minutes twice a day can do when it comes to the habit of brushing our teeth.

I’d love to hear your routines, or what you might do while the kettle boils, to bring you back to yourself. (Deep breaths, stretches, press ups, singing…?)

Sending you love,
Ruth Nadia

ps. The picture is of Bowthorpe Oak in Lincolnshire - apparently England's oldest Oak tree, and very huggable, if you ask me...

pps. My morning routine is inspired by listening to Dr Rangan Chatterjee's podcast, Feel Better, Live More. Sooooo inspiring! https://drchatterjee.com/blog/category/podcast/
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My Colonoscopy

10/13/2019

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I had a colonoscopy last week.

For anyone who doesn’t know, a colonoscopy is a procedure that involves a camera being inserted up your back passage and traveling along your colon to see what is going on. (I’m not poorly or anything - just general grumbling bowel issues.)

Do I have no dignity, posting about this??? Ha ha perhaps. But actually, I really value being able to talk about the difficult, awkward stuff that most people don’t talk about, so that we don’t feel so alone.

I’m not really talking about my colonoscopy here anyway (which I LOVED by the way.) I’m talking about breathing and releasing. After all, this is a massage page.

Breathing and releasing.

I managed to make it through quite an uncomfortable procedure using only breathing and releasing.

No sedation. No gas and air.

I’m not going to lie – the colonoscopy was painful / uncomfortable. I have a bendy colon apparently, and the person in charge found it hard to get round the bends. Also, they fill the colon with air to see clearly and to get the camera through, which feels like trapped wind, because that is basically what it is. I wasn’t particularly enjoying it.

Then I remembered my breath.

No wonder breath work is a big part of giving birth; the breath is INCREDIBLE. Using my breath was like having my own set of remote controls for the whole thing – amazing. I relaxed. I knew the gas and air was there if I needed it, but I was enjoying being in charge myself.

When I was asked by a nurse me what I would normally be doing on a Wednesday, I felt a bit rude, but I asked if they would mind just leaving me to do my breathing.

They did.

And it was magic.

I was left in peace to watch the journey up the inside of my colon on the screen – it was AWESOME. I breathed and I farted through the pain.

Did I say I farted? I mean ‘I released.’

Releasing can take many forms, but if you’re holding onto something that is causing you pain, and you don’t need to hold onto it any more, just let it go. Maybe it will come out as a fart, maybe as breath, maybe as tears, who knows.

During a colonoscopy, once you’ve been pumped with air, after a while, that air just needs to be released, otherwise it really hurts.

They tell you beforehand to fart. A friend of mine who does that same job, when I asked her, her top tip was to fart, so there it was in black and white. I needed to fart.

During the procedure, I did some proper corkers, and it seemed like the team were really proud of me for doing them, which hasn’t been the case since I was a baby.

What a funny situation – doing massive farts, and being congratulated by a room of medical professionals that I had never met before, as though I had just given some oscar-winning performance.

I think it felt safer, doing massive farts, when I knew that the air I was farting out was never mine in the first place – it had been pumped into me by someone else.

Which got me thinking – how much of our baggage is really ours anyway???

Probably not so much.

Just let it go.

So that is the story of how I made it through a colonoscopy using the natural pain relief that we all have - our breath, and our ability to release.

These bodies of ours are amazing, and our minds are more powerful than we think.

Whatever you're holding on to - just let it go. The chances are, it was never yours in the first place.

Sending autumnal full moon love to you all.

My last few massages before Panto are:

Tuesday 15th October
Thursday 24th October
Monday 4th November
Thursday 7th November

Get in touch to book, or if you can only make a different date I have some flexibility.

Ruth Nadia x

ps. Remember, when lots of us were wearing shorts...? This photo is from last month. I do love September.
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Playing at being an adult

9/23/2019

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Picture
Anyone else feel like they're just PRETENDING to be a grown up???

This was me back when I was about 2 and not much has changed. (In fact my nokia phone is pretty similar to the one in the photo...)

The more I talk to people, the more I discover that I'm not the only one pretending to be a grown up. I'm not the only one feeling really unconfident but seeming totally confident.
​

Even the wisest of teachers - I have heard them say similar things.

People are funny.

I love them all the same.
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