Ruth Nadia Massage - Ruth Nadia Massage

After covid

1/16/2022

I'm OUT on the other side of covid. It feels like a new day. Hooray!

The isolation was challenging for my mental health. I got a bit stuck in my thinking and there was a lot of anxiety, which had probably been building for a while.

In normal days, I would be able to ease the pressure with swimming or exercise or people, but not in covid isolation.

Now that I'm out the other side, I can do the little things like breathing in fresh air, hugging the people I love, and getting a change of scene. These little things feel soooo sweet. We underestimate their importance.

Sometimes, all that we need, to turn around the way our WHOLE life looks, is just a hug, a smile, or a bit of sky you've never seen before that can get you back in balance.

And touch.

Touch is magic. For sure. It is a basic human need.

I am so grateful to be back, and I send my love to all of you feeling isolated, in any way. It's rubbish.

But remember, tomorrow is a new day. I know it can be annoying to be told that in the midst of the darkness, but it is true. A new day is coming.

If you'd like an hour out and some quality delicious Ruth Nadia Massage touch to kickstart a new day for you, I have massage availability this week:

Mon 17, 11am
Wed 19, 9:30am, 3pm

It would be my honour and joy to work with you,

Ruth Nadia x

Love and death and chillies

11/11/2021

Today's the anniversary of the death of one of my best friends.

It was the morning of 11.11.10. I'd cycled to Wales and was in a hostel in a dorm room. My phone rang and my friend told me the news. I kept saying, “Are you %*% serious?” again and again.

I got the train straight to my friend Elsa's house and we snuggled up on the sofa and talked about him and cried and read other people's words about him and became closer than we'd been before.

In fact, I made quite a lot of new friends – Ben's parents, his friends and ex girlfriends, all united in our love of the awesome Ben Sharkey.

His funeral was epic. Bursting with creativity and love. As is standard at funerals, the only person missing was Ben himself. Otherwise it was a banging party. You'd have loved it.

For quite a long time after, I found the question “How are you?” too intrusive, because I was really really heartbroken. I just didn't have words to say it.

Then time passed.

I still think about Ben most days. I miss and love him and grief bloody hurts. But the world is also full of people who are alive right now. And I don't want to wait until they are dead til I realise how much I love them.

So this is a reminder to savour the ones you love. This life can be so so random. But one thing is sure – we will one day die.

It can be useful to remember that from time to time, so we can ask ourselves again, “What really matters to me?” WHO really matters to me?

I send love to the awesome Ben Sharkey and all those who love him. And I send out love to all the other awesome people out there in the world.

SPOILER ALERT: you are one of those awesome people. We are all awesome in our own unique way.

Ben once said I was as mad as a bag of hats. I think it was a compliment??? I think it was his way of saying he loved me.

So, give some love to someone in your own unique way.

And give some love to yourself too while you're at it.

Ben for sure taught me about that - embracing life. That's him in the photo, loving hating chilli. It's his art work too.

One day all this will fade away.

Big love,

Ruth x

In a bit of a weird place

11/5/2021

I've been in a bit of a weird place lately. Or have most of us...?

So many conversations lately with friends who are feeling the drag of this pandemic.

It can be so easy to have a go at myself when I'm not on form. But last night I was talking to yet another friend who's also in a 'bit of a weird place' and I found myself telling her to go easy on herself.

It's SO easy to tell other people what to do! It's so obvious.

It doesn't feel so easy with myself.

But it is true!

Yes maybe I have made mistakes and have regrets about some of my behaviour, but when I'm in a dark place it's best to put the analysing on pause. Come back to it later if I need to.

Do something nice for myself.

These times are weird. So many of our normal releases aren't there - the big social things. Things are 'opening up' but it's not the same. We all know it.

So now more than ever we need to look out for ourselves. And each other.

I think a lot of us are in 'a bit of a weird place'.

And no matter how much you think you deserve to punish yourself, what if you have a go at being kind?

Even just an experiment.

Because if I'd taken a selfie this morning there's no way you would have seen this smile.

This smile came from me giving myself a treat - a swim and a dance and a break from my head.

HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO RELEARN THIS LESSON???

Ha ha sooooo many times.

Joy first, analyse later.

Sure, there might be some things I could do differently, better, but when I'm being horrible to myself it's hard to think straight.

So what if you try it? What do you love? Where do you get your kicks? Id love to know.

If it's massage, get in touch.

Sending love to all of you in 'a bit of a weird place'.

Ruth Nadia x

November 03rd, 2021

11/3/2021

I handed in my notice at my job at the hospital. It felt maybe like a ridiculous thing to do but it also felt right. Now I can do more massage and acting and writing. And I can occasionally see my boyfriend.

It's a good thing.

It's definitely a good thing.

Why don't good things don't always feel good?

I've been quite non-stop for a while, craving a rest and to have nothing hanging over me then here it is and I'm suddenly all, “What is the point in my life?????!!”

Drama queen??? Moi???

But really. Maybe sometimes it is actually worth asking the question, What is the point? Or at least, Who am I? And what do I love?

But not necessarily when stressed. So I went for a walk.

Does anything beat a walk? I love walks. They calm me down and focus me. For others it's watching a film, or going shopping.

I walked up and down the same hill. And I let myself feel that space that I have created by quitting my job.

It felt big and scary. Tight in my chest.

But what if that is ok?

That is something I am working on these days – just letting myself feel stuff, instead of avoiding and avoiding it.

So I felt the discomfort for a while. And as I walked through the woods I asked myself, Who am I? What do I love?

I love trees. I love swimming. I love doing a good job. I love people and words and exercise and touch and connection and actually, quite a few things.

I felt a glimmer of hope.

I don't think I would have come to that place if I had stayed wallowing around at home.

When I feel stuck and confused it feels really hard to know what to do. But just turning the phone off and moving the body, doing SOMETHING is better than not. Then it leads to something else.

We have so many answers and so much wisdom inside ourselves. But we need to stop and give ourselves the chance to hear it.

When was the last time you let yourself sink into a bit of space to ask yourself, Who am I? The answers might be pleasantly surprising.

Ruth Nadia x

Permission

10/12/2021

Permission to chill

Permission to have an early night.

Permission to turn your phone off.

Permission to state your boundaries kindly but clearly.

Permission to leave early.

Permission to do a mediocre job.

To use a really old photo instead of a fresh profesh one.

Permission to ask for help.

To close your eyes.

To say no.

To do less.

I'm not just talking to you, this is something I need to learn again and again. I can't give back to others when I'm empty. At least not with an open generous heart.

So, I'm calling it a night after an awesome day of massaging and volunteering and I give you permission to do the same. Regardless of what you've done today.

Because the question isn't, "Do you deserve it?" It's, "What do you and your body need right now?"
And I am soooo excited about going to bed!

Tomorrow is a new day.

If you'd like to give yourself permission for an hour out and a gorgeous massage with me, I would love to see you.

Sending love, Ruth x

September 30th, 2021

9/30/2021

Yesterday was a hard day.

All because of a text message.

It was late, I was tired. My brain kept telling me, "All you need is that text, then you'll be happy"
But it didn't come. And I went into a miserable spiral of despair, telling myself I was a failure and I'll always be rejected in the end.

I love how dramatic brains can be. Bit sad now = desperately sad and lonely always.

Because however we are right now, we can't really imagine it changing. Like when the weather's sunny in the morning so I don't take a raincoat, because rain just doesn't seem possible.

But actually, change is one of the few things we CAN rely on. Eventually.

Today I felt like a different person so I thought I'd share a few things that helped me get from 'Life is hopeless' to "It's ok. Life is a journey."

- I went for a run. Without my phone.

- I could see I was giving myself a hard time, which I do a lot. But instead of adding to it and giving myself more of a hard time for giving myself a hard time, I stepped back and watched.

- Eventually I allowed myself to FEEL the intense fear and shame without adding a story or meaning to it. I cried. Things moved.

- I realised that it wasn't about the text message at all. It was about me. And my dad. And the feelings of rejection, grief and loss that I've had since I was little.

- Although it felt painful and difficult, I reminded myself that I'm someone who can do difficult things. Sometimes the only way is through.

- I let my coach and my boyfriend see me in my raw state. I talked it over with them and they didn't run away or reject me. THAT felt amazing. I think I possibly live for connection.

Today I'm a different person - I gave 4 massages with energy left over. I couldn't have imagined that yesterday.

It wasn't the text message that I needed. It was connection, starting with myself.

If you'd like to connect with yourself and to work through your stuff on a massage couch with someone who'll accept you as you are, then get in touch.

Ruth Nadia x

The photo is me after the run.

Body says bla bla bla

9/6/2021

I know they say to listen to your body but actually I often feel something like anxiety in my body – a heavy weight in my tummy, a sense of forboding and panic. If I listened to what my body was saying, it would sound a bit like. “Do NOT leave the house! It's not safe out there! There are unknown things. You might get tired. You'll probably want to come home. You might as well not go at all. Hey, I wonder what's on facebook... ”

So yeah, that's me...

It might not look like that, because I DO get out and do lots of things, but honestly, when I do my morning writing it's often just me having a tantrum saying 'I don't WANT to go to work, I don't WANT to see people, I don't WANT to do... anything, really.'

If it was up to my body, I'd be at home watching Crazy Ex Girlfriend, eating takeaway, never opening my door. Staying safe, conserving energy. Which is sometimes exactly what I need. But not ALL the time. I also need to get out into the world and make things happen. Sometimes I need to be the boss of my body.

Which is what happened this weekend – a group of us turned 40 this year and a massive party was organised and I REALLY didn't want to go but I knew that if I went there'd be lots of people I love and there'd be dancing. So I went. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and out of the house, because safe is lovely and gorgeous and nurturing but to thrive we need more than just safety. We need challenges. Not that the party was particularly challenging. The party was actually brilliant.

So yes, listen to your body. Let it have its rant, but then, it might be time for your body to listen to you.

And also, take a tent. Because quiet alone time is great too.

If only it was as simple in life as just following one instruction and keeping on going, but it isn't. It's constant readjusting and reassessing. Sometimes speeding up, sometimes slowing down. Sometimes listening, sometimes talking.

If you'd like to discuss both what your body is trying to tell you AND what you'd like to tell it, I'd love to see you for a massage.

With love, Ruth Nadia x

The strength in asking

8/12/2021

Another gorgeous day of massaging. Thank you to my clients and to everyone who has been in touch to book massages, I look forward to seeing you all soon.

Today (and this week) I've been thinking about how hard it can feel to ask for what we want. It seems simple, and 'should' be easy, but it can feel soooo hard.

One of my clients today said, after his massage “That was about right. It's usually too hard or not hard enough.” and just those words gave me a massive grin. He'd got what he came for. And do you know why it was 'about right'? Because I asked him beforehand. I asked him how deep he wanted the touch, and he told me, and then I gave him what he asked for. And if he'd realised, during the massage, that it wasn't quite right and had asked me to go softer or deeper, I would have done that too. Because it was his massage, not mine.

There is no big secret about getting what you want – a lot of it comes down to simply asking.

But so often we don't. I definitely have struggled with asking for years and years and let's be honest, most of my life probably. Asking for what you want isn't seen as very English and it's even less encouraged in those of us socialised as women. Better just to 'be polite', to wait and see if it is offered. Or to hint around it.

I've had a few times lately where I've found myself getting resentful with friends because I've done something and they haven't done exactly what I wanted in return. But how are they supposed to know what's in my head? And why didn't I ask in the first place? Because in my head, if I asked, it meant that I was a horrible demanding person, who is never satisfied and is selfish; a bad person.
As you can imagine, it's often a barrel of laughs in my head...

Haha oh how we laugh, me and... myself...

Anyway, I am at last started to see that if I don't ask, how will the other person know? And if they say no, that's ok; we all know where we are then. Otherwise there's all this stuff going on underneath, that isn't being talked about. Again, this is all very English.

So that is why I ask before I give a massage: Which areas of your body want touch? How deep? How fast? How do you want to feel afterwards?

Once that has been answered, at least we know where we are.

And it doesn't always work perfectly, because I am not alone at finding it VERY BLOODY HARD to ask for what I want, or to say, “No, not exactly like that.” But you know what? We can do hard things. We totally can. We can practise saying I want exactly this please. We can practise saying 'no and, not exactly like that' and practising with me is an excellent place to start because I am absolutely on your side here, I know it can be hard and I want us all to be better at asking.

Whenever someone is clear about what they want, or whenever someone lets me know during a massage that something isn't quite working for them, I silently cheer, because I know that asking isn't easy, and that it takes practice, and I'm just happy that they feel comfortable enough to do it with me. It inspires me to practise asking too. Because only then have we got a hope of getting what we want. Unless the people you are around are magic. And yes, it is true, those people do exist. Some people can magically give you whatever it is you want. I know a few of them and I wonder at their amazingness. But for the most part, people are busy in their own heads so it helps if you know how to ask.

Thank you again to my clients today and to my friends and my family and all the people around me that I am practising asking with. Getting more skilled at something can be messy in the process, but practice is the only way we will get better.

I'd love a chance to work with you if you'd like to practise asking for what you want. And to those friends I have been messy with on my journey of practising asking – thank you for being there with me. I love you. And I love my clients too. It's a journey, eh, this life thing, not a destination.

Sending love,

Ruth Nadia x
The photo is from an old photo shoot with Pete Huntley. I thought my contemplative mood fitted this post. Big love to you all and thank you for reading.

How change happens

8/10/2021

I love seeing transformations happen in front of my very eyes. It happens with every client who comes to me for touch - they come in to the room and tell me what they want and somehow, in that little room (it's not actually that little, but it sounds better), somehow they find a version of what they were looking for. And it was in them all along. It is ridiculously beautiful and so bloody simple:

You are the person you have been waiting for.

It's you. It was always you.

But you know that really, don't you?

Here is part of a message a client sent me this evening:

“When I got home I looked in the mirror and I looked so vibrant, with a sparkle in my eyes.”

I read that message and I felt this pang of love. And a tear, because I often have tears. I was so happy that they saw what was in them all along. You are all vibrant and full of sparkles, all of you. Just sometimes you need to take an hour out to pause so you can find it again.

But it's in there. For sure.

As another client said today after their massage : “I am born anew.” Which I thought was particularly poetic and again gave me a huge smile.

Change is possible.

With love to all of you and hoping you find some of what you're looking for.(Spoiler alert - it's in you. Even without a massage, if you just book out an hour to lie down undisturbed, SOMETHING will change.)

Ruth Nadia x

November 22nd, 2021

7/29/2021

I don't have any children of my own, but I have nephews and I love them more than the world. I also have this unrealistic desire to protect them from any suffering. Ever. I know that isn't possible. But... Still.

Imagine a world where we valued kindness and love more than winning. For me daring to be kind is sometimes the real bravery.
So I'm reading a book called The Strong Sensitive Boy, by Ted Zeff and it had a story that touched me so deeply that I had to ring my friend straight away at 11pm and read it to him over the phone, because... just because in a world where winning is seen as everything, this story shows how beautiful and brave it is when love wins.

The story is about a boy called Shaya who was at a school called Shush in Brooklyn New York that catered for learning disabled children. The story was shared by his father at a fundraising dinner and then put in a book called Echoes of the Maggid by Rabbi Paysach Krohn, then it was made famous by a man called Wayne Dyer who is referenced in the book that I read.

"One afternoon Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked his father, "Do you think they will let me play?" Shaya's father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys wouldn't even want him on their team. But Shaya's father understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a sense of belonging. Shaya's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said, "Well, we're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning."

Shaya's father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play in center field. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shaya's team scored a few runs but were still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shaya's team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded, with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?

Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn't even know how to hold a bat, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved in a few steps so he could lob the ball in softly so that Shaya might at least be able to make some contact with the ball. The first pitch came in. Shaya swung clumsily and missed. Then out of the dugout, one of Shaya's teammates came up and together they held the bat and faced the opposing pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher then took a few more steps closer to Shaya and they swung at the ball as they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. But instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond the reach of the first baseman. Everyone started yelling, "Shaya, Shaya, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running.

But the right-fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, Shaya! Run to second!" Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base, the opposing shortstop now ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, "Run to third Shaya, run to third!" As Shaya rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, "Shaya, Shaya, run home, run home!" Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero, as he had just hit a grand slam and won the game for his team."

"That day," said the father who now had tears rolling down his face, "those 18 boys reached their level of perfection. They showed that it is not only those who are talented that should be recognized, but also those who have less talent. They too are human beings, they too have feelings and emotions, they too are people, they too want to feel important."

I would love to hear what you thought of the story.

Sending love as always,

Ruth Nadia x

The photo is of my awesome brother who really does value kindness and love in a way that nurtures my two nephews so much. Big up the bravery of those who dare to be kind.